pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
