my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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