so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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