That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
