I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
is it fun? or sober?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
