You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize