Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
