Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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