Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
