I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
