Barsexuality is the new black.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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