As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
