Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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