piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
