I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
