he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
