i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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