i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
