Moan for me like Helen Keller
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
