The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
