Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
