so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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