I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
