apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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