TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
