do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
