Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
