so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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