It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Randomize
