I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
