Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
