somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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