Plan B is the new Plan A
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
