the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
