i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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