I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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