Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
