Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
