I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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