My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
