worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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