Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
