How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
