Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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