Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
