he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
