I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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