Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
