Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We were destined to go to rehab together
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
