WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
