jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
