i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
