I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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